ePALS Student Forum

Well, I agree that men are afraid to show their emotions. Take it from a guy, even though we seem like we don't care we really do. We do love but we just do not like to show it.

C.J.D

Subject: Paternal Love, China
From: 宋汝珍
Posted: March 03, 2008 at 09:27:54

I think paternal love is a kind of emotion that isn't easy to figure out because fathers don't express their love directly. Most of the time, he tells you some principles of life and gives suggestions through doing deeds. He is the person who stands behind and supports you silently, sometimes his punishment means love and help. So I think paternal love is the most complicated love.
Song Yuzhen/Liuzhou,China

======================================

From: Esqueda T.
Posted: March 31, 2008 at 08:14:21

Hi, my name is Tim. I think that generally fathers do not express their love directly; it just depends on the person and how they were raised. I know for me, that my father is very affectionate, almost as affectionate as my mother. I see my dad as always there guiding me through life. He's kind of like a coach for a sport, but he's the most affectionate coach I've ever met.
-------------------
From: COLON V.
Posted: March 26, 2008 at 10:16:27

I think every family is different and a father's action are influenced a lot by the culture. For example I know in most Latino families the father is the supporter, and he usually decides the final decision. It's his job to be strong for the family so it's understandable that he may hide his emotions at times, because they can be taken as a sign of weakness. It's also true that it's harder for males to express their feelings.
I agree that paternal love is a complicated emotion.
--------------------
From: MARTIN H.
Posted: March 26, 2008 at 10:11:58

I wouldn't agree that paternal love is the most complicated because love in general is a complicated idea. I think though that paternal love is difficult because mothers are supposed to be the caretakers so it would be difficult for fathers to understand what their caretaking role should be.
--------------------
From: FLAHERTY M.
Posted: March 26, 2008 at 10:09:31

The love of a father is different than the affection of a mother. Many men are taught to control and repress their emotions so they seem strong and uphold the image of masculinity. Unfortunately, this can make them a closed-off and reserved parent. Yet this is only in an effort to protect and care for the family. Men do truly love and care for their family members, especially their children. Mothers, on the other hand, are completely and thoroughly connected with their children from day one.

All you can do is return your parent's love and hope that the inhibitions or reservations that are keeping your father from showing his true feelings will one day disappear. For he loves you with all his heart!
-------------------
From: PETTIT B.
Posted: March 26, 2008 at 10:01:54

I think it is hard for most or a lot of people to connect with their fathers, because they are usually gone working, and in my childhood, I wouldn't acknowledge that my father loved me. Now that I am grown, I know that he loves me very much because he provides for me and works hard for me. He doesn't have to do it, but he does because he loves me. I think it is some of the truest love, because he has to sacrifice for me, such as sacrificing his time at home and with his loved ones. Now I know that my father loves me very much and I can identify the ways that he shows that love, which are harder to find than the way a mother or sibling loves me, so it means more, I think.
------------------------
From: Ewing V.
Posted: March 26, 2008 at 08:25:41

I completely agree that paternal love is the hardest kind of love because men are the type that hold back their feelings or they don't let them show as often. They still love you, and I think you know that, it's just hard for them to show it or find the right way to present it towards you.

Victoria/United States
------------------------
From: SALAZAR A.
Posted: March 26, 2008 at 08:25:07

I agree with what Megan from the U.S.A said. My dad used to be more controlling, and would show his love in a negative way. Now, he shows me love all the time. We joke around with each other more often. In most societies, the father is supposed to be more authoritative and the mother more loving. I think that its difficult for fathers to find the balance between being loving and strong.
---------------------------
From: BLACKMON C.
Posted: March 26, 2008 at 08:23:35

I agree. In my family, my mother is more affectionate than my father. I know that my dad loves me, he just isn't as open with showing it as my mom is. My dad is more stern, but I know he is this way for my own good. However, not all families in the US are like that. In some families, the fathers are just as affectionate as the mothers. I think it depends on the person as well as the way that they were raised.
-Catherine, USA.
--------------------------
From: Lowe G.
Posted: March 26, 2008 at 08:22:36

Paternal love in America has changed over the past two generations. My grandfather wasn't showy of affection to my father too much and neither was my mother's father. However nowadays, fathers are more affectionate and show it more than ever, especially to daughters. Fathers still are reluctant to show love for their sons because they think it's not masculine and that they have to show their sons how to "be a man", so-to-speak.
-------------------------
From: Kidane L.
Posted: March 26, 2008 at 08:16:41

Yeah, I agree we should all try to help our fathers express themselves. Our fathers do so much to support us so we have to show them that we love them! I also feel that it depends on each family because the family circumstance can be different!
------------------
From: Deibert S.
Posted: March 26, 2008 at 08:03:24

I somewhat agree with that. Dads definitely show their love by being firm but there are occasions where showing love is perfectly fine. But most of the time I think that men believe they are supposed to be tough and protective of their family by not showing their softer loving side that's vulnerable, even if kids really need love shown from their dad as well as their mom.
----------------------------
From: JOCHIM M.
Posted: March 25, 2008 at 06:30:48

I believe that it really depends on the person and the family. I know that in my family, my dad expresses just as much feelings and emotions as my mother does. My dad shows me all the time that he loves me. It really is more common for the mother to be more affectionate, but fathers are just as capable.

Megan/United States
------------------
From: 宋汝珍
Posted: March 22, 2008 at 01:49:13

Yeah, we should really try our best to be close to and understand fathers, because they are the persons who we will love all our lives.
---------------------
From: Amanda W.
Posted: March 03, 2008 at 20:19:31

I definitely agree! It's so complicated, I can't really figure it out!
Amanda/United States
------------------
From: Rachel
Posted: March 03, 2008 at 18:42:53

Hi my name is Rachel, and I totally agree with you. My father is very unpredictable in showing his emotions. Sometimes he is very warm and open, and at other times he is like a book that I am trying to read. I probably will never figure him out completely, but I'm growing closer to him by trying.
United States